My Essay Feedback

I thought I would start by looking at my feedback again and working my way through all of the things I need to correct or change. I have said time and time again that I'm not the best writer, however I have a lot of heart and passion for what I do. There are evidently strong parts in my essay and weak parts - I was expecting this. 

My first lens clearly needs some attention. My feedback was to speak more explicitly about my understanding of web 2.0. At the beginning of the course I didn't know what web 2.0 was, therefore I did a lot of research into it. My next steps: get a better understanding of web 2.0 and explain it clearly in my essay. 

I wrote lens 2 with a much better understanding of where I was heading and how I wanted to communicate my ideas. This paragraph shows strength and clarity, however my feedback was "you are a performing artist transitioning to a pedagogic practice" "can you talk explicitly to the transference of your skills"...again I have much to work on. 

Lens 3 was the most difficult for me to write, however I received no comments about how to adapt or change it...YAY!

My final paragraph also had no comments other than good. This was a big morale boost for me as I thought I had completely gone in a different direction!

Luckily my diagram works well, so I have only added in a few things where there were blank spaces. I'm a visual person and wanted to create a map with more than just words. I collected lots of wonderful images and used them to create a collage of my heritage. 

Finally...CITING! I obviously need to revise how to cite correctly. At least my bibliography was in good shape! 

I haven't been at university for a good 8-9 year, so going back to academic writing has been a challenge. Hopefully, over the duration of the BAPP course my writing skills will develop and become stronger. 

  Let me know your thoughts and what you thought of your feedback. :)